Love Letters from Leadership (2)

Hello Leaders

We hope above all, that you had a few moments for calm since we last communicated. Calm; that glorious feeling of confident flow. Not rest yet (!), but calm. 

There were many thoughts on how and when to launch Letters from Leadership; and then, during the American election, when it seemed that our views on leadership were being the most tested and the most confronted, we jumped right in. Mainly because it is always good to have options. 

We hear too much about the lack of choice when it comes to choosing a leader. So the more people like all of us offer different options and perspectives on leadership, hopefully the more we learn, and discern, and the better leadership becomes. 

This week at TouchPoint, we’re thinking about something Esther Perel said recently: 

“A good question disrupts a pattern.”

Our younger generations in the workplace are incredibly good at asking questions. It’s hard as an elder to not arc up to a question - good or not-so-good - when we were conditioned to respect authority and hierarchy; which often looked like being seen and not heard.

And, of course, there’s the issue of whether you embrace a disruption of a pattern or if it is certainty and order that makes your heart sing. 

So we asked leaders how to remain regulated in triggered spaces.

This was their response. 

You do the work. And the work begins with self. You don’t have to embrace questions and disruption, or certainty and order to be a good leader,; but you do have to understand where you stand in relation to both. 

A good starting point to explore your tolerance for questions and possible disruption is 

“What is my experience of and relationship to questions?”

Of course, this quickly becomes an experience of and relationship to authority and parenting.

Were you allowed to question?

Were you given permission to have a voice?

How should a question have been asked?

When was a question disrespectful or insolent?

Were you punished for questioning?

Was that punishment ridicule, isolation or labour? 

All of these inform our reaction to being questioned. Our response is our regulated reaction. 

Most often, we react when we feel threatened. Is the mere act of being questioned a trigger or is the actual question confronting? Could it be that we are not sure of the answer? 

These unregulated responses are gems of opportunities: they are the portal to human connection and building trust in teams.

Imagine if we paused, reflected and then responded authentically: 

“That’s a good question, and all good questions disrupt a pattern. So I’m feeling like you may be close to disrupting something. Give me a minute to welcome that and then let’s explore …”

“Do you know what? I don’t know the answer to that; does anyone want to jump in here?”

“There are many ways to answer that, can I have a good think and get back to you on that?"

With the barrage and overload of information constantly hurled at our younger generations, they should be sceptical; they should be thinking critically. 

How do we support that as leaders, and not get in the way? 

I think we get out of our own way. We start with self.

Step into your own glorious leadership practice. 

Stay calm, stay present. 

Rest is coming….

Love,

Kate & Áine (Onya)

Ps. If you would like to add your voice, please share it at kate@touchpointnz.com; let the co-creation begin…